There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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