yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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