he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize