Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
