Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
