if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
