I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
