My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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