ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
