jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
