so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
