Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
