There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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