garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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