I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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