I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
