Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A bitchslap is in order.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
