I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
