$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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