HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
