you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
