Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
