i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
me + whiskey = a bad person
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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