You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
