Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
