You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
