I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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