I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
