I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
