Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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