In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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