life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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