Too much gin, very little bucket
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Blood and glitter go together right?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
