Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
