I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
