so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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