My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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