Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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