just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
