we're blogging at a bar
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize