Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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