I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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