she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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