there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
