The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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