Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
