I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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