You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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