The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
