I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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