By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
