are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
