Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
