FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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