So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
