literally had 100 drinks last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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