Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
