Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
