My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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