Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize