You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
