So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
