You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
