Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
