Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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