Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
