mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just tell him i said nine months
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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