He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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