Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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