I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
