Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
