piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
