i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize