the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
