Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
