I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
