If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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