Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
