every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
