It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i came on her dog
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
