I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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