I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize