I want to walk on stilts...naked
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
