I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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