apparently the secret to your success is patron
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
