Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
