I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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