D3 body, D1 cock
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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