I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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