i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize