You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Randomize
