Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
