I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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