How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
