idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
