Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
