I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
